The Myth of Free Time

I often say that I don’t have enough time to do things.  Work out, grade essays, play videogames the way I used to, finish projects, etc.  This is sort of a lie. I can only speak for myself, but there are a lot of myths I perpetuate when it comes to that lack of free time I often cite as the factor that holds me back from being a more productive person.  And apparently I’m not the only one.  I was reading this interview with a woman who came to pretty similar conclusions as I did. As it is put here, there is a “one-upmanship of timelessness” wherein we all want to believe we have no time, when in fact, we have much more than we admit to ourselves.  When I reflect on this I discover a few of my own myths.

Myth: I have too much work I need to do.

Truth: I do have a crapload of work to do.  Every week when I get to work I write a mile-long To Do list and as I drive home each evening I’m drafting another mental one.  And then I promptly ignore them both.  Being versed in the fine art of procrastination, I am constantly adjusting my definition of “NEED to do”.  Anything without an immediately impending deadline gets shelved.  And you know what?  I’ve always gotten away with this.  I don’t do things late, or shoddily, just as last minute as possible.

I have been dragging this particular stack of grading back and forth for a couple weeks now, because, you know, grades aren't due yet.

Myth: I never have time for myself.

Proof I've got free time.

Truth: I’m on level 430-something of Candy Crush.  I don’t “Crush it” for anyone else’s benefit, so clearly I have some time to myself.  The evil nature of constant entertainment devices like smartphones is that they make us think we’re utilizing only our spare seconds between more important things, when they, like television and social media, are exactly what we are making time for.  It’s not just the phone.  I somehow manage to play Kongregate through my lunch hours, read a book every week or so (I almost always finish on time for book club), and start those myriad craft projects.  This time must exist somewhere, it just doesn’t look like the chunked hours it did five years ago.

Another solution, effortlessly incorporate your children into your hobbies.

Myth: I need to lose weight but I don’t have time.

Truth: I’m just lazy.  I have a Jazzercise membership (don’t laugh, it’s awesome) and a Pinterest board full of 30-day-challenges.  I make a lot of excuses about class times not working with my small window for cooking to feed both my husband and toddler and how the babysitter at my Jazzercise sucks and I would work out at home but there’s no room and anyway my Fitbit says I burned a lot of calories today just existing.  Well not a lot.  Some.  But, I’ll just eat less.

Myth: My kid takes all my time and has to be my first priority.

Truth: Before you shoot me for calling this a myth, let me make it clear that my kid is my top priority in a sort of general sense.  And he does take most of my time when he’s awake, being at an age where he must be constantly monitored as he occupies that developmental stage between mobility plus curiosity and some ability to recognize personal safety concerns.  It is my understanding this stage will last well into his 20's.

What I mean to say here is that sometimes the kid comes second in the short-term.  I think this is to his benefit in some cases.  For instance, I have no guilt about going on vacation with my husband and without Henry, or ignoring his pleas for (noncritical) attention to try to have a conversation with my husband.  I think all too often men and women let their marriages fall second to their roles as parents, which ultimately undermines the family in general.  Furthermore, I think we generally do kids a disservice by constantly putting them first, which is no reflection of the world and may contribute to our general culture of narcissism.

Sorry, Henry, your dad was here first.

Myth: I should be doing things more like (insert pinterest role model, blogger, or amazing friend who seems to have it all figured out).

Truth: In my overthinking, like many women, I feel caught between the guilt of not living up to mom/wife/teacher/homemaker standards set by women who seem to have it all together---and feeling slightly embarrassed by the ensuing “I’m Not A Supermom” manifesto backlash.  I think most of us can admit that we know we could do better, but we also know that no one’s really doing as well as their public persona makes it seem.  Do I really feel the need to do science and craft projects with my 22-month-old every waking moment of his life?  No.  But could I learn a little something about meal planning or a neat way to build bookshelves from someone else?  Why not?  It doesn't hurt to try to emulate what you like in others, as long as you keep a realistic sense of your own life.

The chore chart I made when H was a newborn.  It's still on my fridge, unregarded, long after some of the tasks have become obselete.

In the end I think I waste a lot of time thinking about what I SHOULD be doing with my time (or avoiding what I think I should be doing).  I have to admit to myself that I don’t really have to make time, I already apply it where I want and need to, more or less.  I am trying to learn instead to as: Am I happy?  Are my loved ones happy?  Am I doing a good job at work?  Is my home dirty enough to be a safety hazard?  Time manages itself, one way or another.