This is not the blog you’re looking for.

I really have no business writing a blog because I am not good at much of anything (hence the title “I Suck At This”).  Let me tell you a little about this blog.

This is not a Model Wife and Mom Blog

I am married, but it’s my second try.  

My husband captured this image of wedding-day joy.

I have a kid, and he’s my first try.  

Stoked to have microwave pancakes for breakfast again.

I'm sure those nuggets are organic.

Wife and mom are the two most important roles in my life but I’m not especially good at either of them.  I love my husband, but am not exactly so proficient at wifely-ness that all his friends are envious.  As for Henry, his face is always dirty and I have no shame in feeding him drive-through chicken nuggets.

This is not a Vintage Fashion or Lifestyle Blog 

I love clothes and shoes, mostly vintage and repro/retro with an emphasis on the early-to mid-60’s, but there are plenty of girls much more stylish than I am who have that covered.  I’m pretty proud of my style, but I’m not daily en pointe—I get lazy on the weekends and I can’t accessorize worth a damn.

I'm like the Imelda Marcos of cheap shoes.

This is not a Beauty Blog

I have one make-up look and three or four hairstyles.  It is very rare that both my eyes have the same eyeliner shape.  I need a bump-it to make my daily beehive.  I get up at 5:00 to use my In-styler and make my hair look exactly the same as every other day.  I have never successfully applied false eyelashes.

Why I Instyle this mess daily.

This is not a Craft Blog

I am mildly proficient at any number of crafty pursuits, but only mildly.  Any garment I make is lucky to survive a first washing.  I frequently start new knitting projects and abandon them around one-third complete.  I refuse to throw away a half-finished cross stitch I started in 2002, which has now moved to four different houses with me, untouched.

Unfinished knitting projects from my living room bin alone. L to R: baby socks for coworker, sweater for me, tennis vest for Henry from last Easter, I have no idea.

  

This is not a Cooking/Baking Blog

I’d say I have about a 70% success rate for cooking dinner.  I frequently decide to modify recipes with disastrous results.  I love to bake anything that is a fusion of multiple desserts (the cake-batter flavored cookie dough truffle being my favorite) but am on a half-hearted diet hiatus.  Nothing I make is pretty enough to take photos of.  Notable highlights from my kitchen include Chicken and Salt Potatoes and Birthday Cupcake Soup.

This is not an Education Blog

I am a middle-school English Teacher, and actually like it.  However, I don’t refer to myself as “an educator” or have any bumper stickers/coffee mugs touting the fact.  I, like many teachers in my area, am experiencing Serious Burn-out affecting my motivation.

This used to have a frame, but I broke it.  

This is not a Geek Blog

Half-hearted titular Star Wars reference notwithstanding, I am not really a card-carrying geek.  I used to think of myself as such sinceI enjoy videogames, appreciate some amount of sci-fi and fantasy literature, and made good grades in school.  But in my fairly recent incarnation as a grown-up, I find I am not the committed, trivia-spouting, capital G Geek I once imagined.  I found it pretty easy to stop playing WOW when I married outside the tribe and had bigger problems than collecting Harpy Feathers.

Though once every month or so I do still operate as the Dragonborn.  I happen to be a high-ranking member of the Thieves Guild, they need me.  And those virtual smithing skills aren't going to level themselves up.

This is also not a Book Review/Product Review/DIY Tutorial/Personal Opinion Rant/Fiction Writing/or Anything Else Blog.  I don’t think I’m qualified as someone who Knows What She’s Talking About.  So what the hell kind of blog is it?  A little bit of all of the above, and a bunch of I’m Not Sure Yet.  Like many people, I’m only a little good at a lot of things, and amusingly bad at everything else.  I just wanted a blog to represent the Non Pinterestworthy Masses. 

In case you’re still with me, here are a few things I AM really good at:

• procrastination
• sarcasm and self-effacement
• overanalyzing stuff
• having feelings and opinons
• sentence diagramming
• ambitious craft project concepts
• being kinda funny

If any of that appeals to anyone with too much time on the internet, I hope to see you again, presuming I make it as far as a second post.